(Mahalo = Hawaiian for Thank you)
A few month ago, as I was pregnant with Marlowe, a friend of a friend asked me out of the blue if I loved being pregnant. I spontaneously said Yes! Of course. Then gave more thoughts to her question, looked at her in the eyes and said actually, no, not really, I don't truly love being pregnant. Here, I had said it.
Did the fact that those girls were drinking red wine while I was sipping my 10th glass of sparkling water influenced my answer, or change in my answer as a matter of fact? The truth is no. It did not. The more I was putting thoughts into it, the more I realized that I wasn't one of those women in awe with the state of pregnancy. The shining hair, pumped up skin (hello, I have been on a strict water diet for months..of course my skin looks okay, thanks god!), expanding breast....all irrelevant.
The nauseous months, the exhaustion, irritability, hormones swing, back pain, lost of sanity (and lost of bladder control)...all made me feel like some obscur forces had invaded my body and I had not much control left over myself.
Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate the insane beauty of creating life within my own-self. I do feel extremely empowered being a woman and giving birth to my children. I happen to love the actual birth process and could do it over and over again just to get that overwhelming indescribable feeling that comes once you push your baby out and meet her/him for the very first time.
But the pregnancy itself? Not so much. I do reckon loving the last few weeks and the kicks and movements while being in the expectation of the Day (that's probably because I never was overdue), loved secretly talking to my babies, but had it lasted 4 month instead of 9..That would have been fine with me. Very un-social, utterly sensitive, these aren't my favorite feelings.
The only other thing I do love about being pregnant is to be pregnant. Might not make much sense said that way. The point being that before Manech, I had a miscarriage and therefor I do not take any pregnancy for granted, I welcome it as an amazing gift from the universe (and from my husband, wink wink). Some ladies out there are lucky enough to be able to "schedule" their pregnancies (and often love to braaaag about it) but don't feel sad and alone if you don't fall into that category, I don't either. SO even though I don't love the state of pregnancy, I do love being pregnant. Follow me? Hate/Love affair! That's when your man starts pulling his hair off of his head (if any hair left, depending on how many kids you've had so far).
You may have been talking about babies for month, years with hearts and unicorns coming straight out of your eyes each time you'd hold a newborn, you may have recited Twinkle Twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are as your prayer each and every night ever since you met your man...it surely doesn't mean that those nine months are going to be the time of your life and I don't feel guilty saying so. It's okay to speak our feelings out loud. It might actually help other women feel better through their pregnancy knowing they are not alone. It's like talking about miscarriage. I had absolutely no idea how hard it could be both psychologically and physically until I went through my own, because I always only heard women talking about their pregnancies, never their miscarriages.
Each human is unique, each woman is unique, each pregnancy is unique. No judgment should be made, ever. Some women may have a wonderful time while pregnant and fight the worst postpartum depression. I believe that our ability to share our joys as well as our struggles through the journey of motherhood is key to finding happiness and balance in our life as women, lovers, moms, friends and so much more. I believe in honesty.
The lady who asked me if I loved being pregnant in the first place happens to be a mom of four. When I told her that I didn't absolutely loved it [being pregnant], she laughed out loud and told me she was an absolute mess during all of her pregnancies, yet the connection between her and all of her kids (and husband) is so obvious, so strong and beautiful to witness, I can say without the slightest ounce of doubt that those kids are not lacking any love and have been loved during their time in-uterus regardless of nausea or awful hormones swing.
And if you asked me, I would tell you that giving birth to both my children were the most beautifully exciting hours of my life and even though I wasn't feeling my best-self throughout the pregnancies, I would do it all over again in a wink.
Hate / Love.
Did the fact that those girls were drinking red wine while I was sipping my 10th glass of sparkling water influenced my answer, or change in my answer as a matter of fact? The truth is no. It did not. The more I was putting thoughts into it, the more I realized that I wasn't one of those women in awe with the state of pregnancy. The shining hair, pumped up skin (hello, I have been on a strict water diet for months..of course my skin looks okay, thanks god!), expanding breast....all irrelevant.
The nauseous months, the exhaustion, irritability, hormones swing, back pain, lost of sanity (and lost of bladder control)...all made me feel like some obscur forces had invaded my body and I had not much control left over myself.
Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate the insane beauty of creating life within my own-self. I do feel extremely empowered being a woman and giving birth to my children. I happen to love the actual birth process and could do it over and over again just to get that overwhelming indescribable feeling that comes once you push your baby out and meet her/him for the very first time.
But the pregnancy itself? Not so much. I do reckon loving the last few weeks and the kicks and movements while being in the expectation of the Day (that's probably because I never was overdue), loved secretly talking to my babies, but had it lasted 4 month instead of 9..That would have been fine with me. Very un-social, utterly sensitive, these aren't my favorite feelings.
The only other thing I do love about being pregnant is to be pregnant. Might not make much sense said that way. The point being that before Manech, I had a miscarriage and therefor I do not take any pregnancy for granted, I welcome it as an amazing gift from the universe (and from my husband, wink wink). Some ladies out there are lucky enough to be able to "schedule" their pregnancies (and often love to braaaag about it) but don't feel sad and alone if you don't fall into that category, I don't either. SO even though I don't love the state of pregnancy, I do love being pregnant. Follow me? Hate/Love affair! That's when your man starts pulling his hair off of his head (if any hair left, depending on how many kids you've had so far).
You may have been talking about babies for month, years with hearts and unicorns coming straight out of your eyes each time you'd hold a newborn, you may have recited Twinkle Twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are as your prayer each and every night ever since you met your man...it surely doesn't mean that those nine months are going to be the time of your life and I don't feel guilty saying so. It's okay to speak our feelings out loud. It might actually help other women feel better through their pregnancy knowing they are not alone. It's like talking about miscarriage. I had absolutely no idea how hard it could be both psychologically and physically until I went through my own, because I always only heard women talking about their pregnancies, never their miscarriages.
Each human is unique, each woman is unique, each pregnancy is unique. No judgment should be made, ever. Some women may have a wonderful time while pregnant and fight the worst postpartum depression. I believe that our ability to share our joys as well as our struggles through the journey of motherhood is key to finding happiness and balance in our life as women, lovers, moms, friends and so much more. I believe in honesty.
The lady who asked me if I loved being pregnant in the first place happens to be a mom of four. When I told her that I didn't absolutely loved it [being pregnant], she laughed out loud and told me she was an absolute mess during all of her pregnancies, yet the connection between her and all of her kids (and husband) is so obvious, so strong and beautiful to witness, I can say without the slightest ounce of doubt that those kids are not lacking any love and have been loved during their time in-uterus regardless of nausea or awful hormones swing.
And if you asked me, I would tell you that giving birth to both my children were the most beautifully exciting hours of my life and even though I wasn't feeling my best-self throughout the pregnancies, I would do it all over again in a wink.
Hate / Love.
