She is peacefully napping right now so here's to Life's Magic, the way I see it.
I am very excited about life. I've always been. But just like any other human being on this planet, I have had my share of challenges to overcome. These challenges come and go. And the last couple of years have been challenging for us. I have talked about it before. The feeling of being lost, where to live, what to do, what to believe. I came to a point when I really needed some guidance but wasn't sure where to find it. One day I talked to an amazing woman on skype, very randomly. This was a little over 1 year ago and her words resonated very deeply with me. She highlighted the fact that I may be missing Spirituality in my life. Which was Oh so true. I have always rejected all kind of religious thinking. Raised in a Christian family, sent to Christian Schools, I could not stand the idea of belonging to a religion. And so I threw all Spiritual thinking out the window. Or that's what I thought.
Then I talked to this woman, she didn't tell me I should start believing in this or that God, she just mentioned Spirituality and that was it.
Throughout the following months, we managed to get our life back together. I believe we'd always been a pretty happy family, able to enjoy the happy moments but you know, sometimes you need to get some kind of stability and moving from places to places isn't the easiest way to feel grounded always. Fast forward, we moved into a new rental that we love and can call home for now.
I could write for a few hours and still have thoughts to share but I'll try to take it easy for now.
As months went by, I started reflecting on my life, and remembered how strongly I used to believe that challenges - whether they are fears, lost of loved ones, life questioning - will always bring clarity into my life. I used to believe deep in me that there was always some light shining somewhere.
I remember exactly when this way of thinking started (even if it's probably been in me since day 1). It goes back to the day my mom past away. She had been sick on and off since I was a little girl and her life ended the day she had a heart-attack, in the middle of nowhere, in the country side of France, surrounded by us, my sisters, my dad and a couple of her best friends. We saw her collapse on the ground and she never came back to life. We said good-bye to her as she had been laid on a couch in our friend's living-room. I had just turned 14.
The first weeks and months felt like a blurry really bad dream where I'd expect to find her waiting for me at home every day after school. But a bitter-sweet feeling quickly started to grow inside me. First of all I was able to talk about what had happened to my friends right away. I wasn't afraid to cry. And soon my tears turned into words and I started telling friends that I believed my mom had passed away so that I would be able to live a happy life. That by dying, she was setting me free. I know it sounds really strange for a young teenager to say such a thing and the truth is that I could not explain this strong feeling I had.
A year and a half after her passing away, I really wasn't happy living in my hometown in the middle of France. I asked my dad to go to a boarding school a couple hundreds miles away from home, in a town I had never been before. My dad was strong and wise enough to see that I needed a change of air and there I was, a few month later, starting what felt like a new life, me and my suitcase in a city where I would get lost every single time I'd walk out of school. I was the new kid, didn't know anyone. I wasn't 16 yet.
Somehow I wasn't afraid to tell my story to unknown teenagers. Life was playing its Magic and I could feel it. I started meeting really cool kids, their parents who fostered me in the week-ends, their moms who had such an important role in my life as I was navigating my teenage years and later starting my young adult life.
Life was definitely on my side, I was feeling more alive than ever, more loved than ever and my words remained very strong : my mom had passed so that I could live the happy life I was meant to live.
I am a mom now and let me say that I truly hope to be by my children's side for a long long time. But this is what I was given. And I remember how lucky I felt to be able to attend this boarding school. The butterflies in my stomach looking at the beauty of the ocean through my window in the morning (yes, boarding school with ocean view, no joke!). I knew I was on the right path and again, couldn't help thinking that without my mom passing away so young, I wouldn't have gone to this boarding school. And for the record, after graduating, I never went back to my hometown, I stayed in this city where my heart had found new foundations.
I trusted life to be good, people to be kind and the future to be bright.
From then on, a lot of good things happened to me as well as more challenges but the confidence in Life always remained very strong. Even when I found myself living with 100 dollars a month for 6 month, sleeping on friends couches, I knew something great was going to be sent my way. And it did. I had awesome boyfriends, kept on making more beautiful friends, traveled to beautiful places, I even have a mom-at-heart in New-Zealand! She too had been sent my way.
I Traveled to Maui at aged 18 for almost a year and knew deep inside me that I would be back for more. I had no clue on how I could make living in Hawaii a reality but the burning desire was in my heart and nothing and no one could take it away, it was the strongest feeling ever. Back in France, I was living my dream everyday in my mind, over and over again.
I won my green card through the lottery after being told I should try and both my kids passports will say : born in the state of Hawaii.
I could go a lot deeper with life's magic, with everything that happened out of a burning desire for it to happen.
But I never looked at it as if there was some Spiritual forces behind this. Because Spirituality used to equal religion in my mind. And I had thrown away the key to the door of religions.
Not so long ago I had one of these "ah ah" moment when I realized that because we had been through one challenge after another one these past couple of years with drastic changes in our lives, I hadn't been able to feel as confident as I used to. And I told myself : "wait a second, where did that feeling go?" Not only was I able to bring it back, feeling the butterflies in my stomach and in my heart again, thankful for everyday I get to live with my beautiful family on this amazing side of the world, but I was also able to look back at my life so far and realized that I had been able to accomplish quite a lot and that every time my energies were high and filled with love and hope and confidence, things would turn around in the most unexpected way and happiness would poured into my life.
So while you won't find me talk about religion and a God, I am strongly convinced that thoughts do become things and since we have power over our thoughts, there are infinite possibilities for us to live the life we dream of.
It's amazing to think that I have lived by these principals most of my life but never realized I was living by it, already creating the life I desired.
The question may be that if I create the life I dream of, why do I have to face so many challenges sometimes...My best guess so far is that in order to reach that life, some things that are in place have to change, have to come to an end and sometimes, the only way [or the fastest way] can be brutal and unexpected and painful.
I do know without a doubt that the thoughts and the energies we send out into the world are way more powerful than we can imagine.
Chasing negative thoughts have become somewhat of a fun game for me. It's not so easy. But the more I pay attention to negative thoughts when they come, the easier it becomes to acknowledge them and the faster I manage to throw them out of my brain. As I do this, I realize I get more smiles from random people everyday, I feel more loved, and I open the door to more awesomeness in my life.
I know this may all sound pretty hippy slash new-age-ish but the truth is that it always feels pretty real.
I believe that everyone can easily reflect on their life, look at some of the hardest, most challenging moments they had to face, step back and look at what happened after, what was born from these "hard time". Someone they met, something they created, a cause to fight for, a new way of thinking, more love...
Everyone can reflect on their life and let the butterflies fill their heart, that feeling we've all had one day, trusting that there is something great out there for each and everyone of us. I believe that this feeling is key to manifesting our thoughts.
Being able to bring this feeling out and feel it everyday should be taught at school!
Again there is so much I could say about this.
What makes me happy more than anything else is the beautiful perspective that this brings for our world. I used to worry about the world we live in (and still do every now and then), the wars, the climate change but I stopped watching the news. I now have Hope in People's power. I believe that if most of us (and there are billions of us out there) decide to tune our thoughts to positive ones, decide that Love truly is the answer, then we can have a very powerful positive impact on our world. We can truly be the change we want to see (I am not claiming this quote, Gandhi was a lot wiser than I am).
We can feel it everyday. It's actually quite easy to experiment. Wake up a morning and feel unloved, grumpy, not so pretty even, walk outside and see how people react to your energy (aura). Then wake up another morning loving yourself (yes self-love is important and has nothing to do with ego), feeling happy, smiling at your reflection in the mirror, walk outside and watch people faces bright-up as you walk by. It's that easy. And that hard at the same time because we all have "those" days when we'd rather hide under the duvet all day. But hey! That's okay! Little changes go a long way, I have been witnessing it.
I also love that the world seem to come to a bigger awareness of our inner-powers. It's not a coincidence if yoga has become so popular, if so many people talk about meditation, if more and more people want to pursue a meaningful life, if positive-thinking, positive-parenting, positive-eating is starting to be seen more and more on the internet, in magazines, on shelves in bookstores.
It's fascinating to watch the Universe play its Magic and I am happy to open the door of my life to more Spirituality which equals to more universal Love forces to me. And no, I promise I haven't been smoking much patchouli lately.
Again, that's just me thinking out loud because why not.
Too many things have happened in my life for me not to believe there is something out there.