Over the Summer, in July, Gurvan and I started talking about his former job as a captain on board tanker boats. I had fears that he might miss being at sea one day and having regrets is something that I find frightening. We never know where our decisions in life will lead us. We can be convinced to be on the right track one day and get the worst doubts the very next day.
I talked here and there about our moves these past three years.
Life has been somewhat chaotic for us for three years. But we decided that Maui was the place where we felt the happiest, the most connected with ourselves, and so came back here. Gurvan started a new carrier as an Arborist / tree-climber, got his certification and we finally seemed to be settling into some happy routine.
But that night in July, we started talking about his life at sea. I asked him if he thought about it sometimes, if he had any regrets and for the first time he admitted that he’d sometimes have dreams about it and that yes, he missed it [a little]…The responsibilities, the boats, the ocean for only horizon. He also added that he loved being home every night with us. Of course he does. He also enjoyed his new job, being high up in trees, the boys he worked with. But I know my man and I could feel the shadows of regrets slowly making their way. Imperceptibly.
We decided that he would investigate boat-related job opportunities for him here in Hawaii. And we went to bed.
The very next morning, when I woke up a little after him, the first thing he told me [once I had my cup of tea in hands, meaning my brain slightly working again], was that he had received an email during the night. The message came from a french tanker company. They were offering him, out of the blue, a position as a captain.
Remember “Thoughts become Things, choose the good ones” ? That was fast.
His first thought was no way, I am not going back on a tanker. My first thought was no way, you are not going away for three months.
By the end of the day, he had investigated about the company and the unexpected offer. The company turned out to be one of the last small family-owned maritime company and they reached out to him after asking a few of their captains if they had any recommendations for a captain position opening and Gurvan’s name came out. WHAT!
How can we not suppose that the Universe works on our behalf?
From that very morning, everything went pretty fast. A few weeks later he was in France for a series of trainings and interviews and just a little over three month later, he is about to board a tanker boat in the Bahamas.
I won’t go into too much details here but the way it all happened still feels quite unreal. He would have said no to most job offers, he didn’t want to go back at sea for a big corporation and be just a number to the eyes of his boss. This company happens to know about sailing a boat and respects the work of their crews.
We have absolutely no idea what tomorrow will be made of. Will three month away from his children be too hard for him? Will it be too hard for me and the kids? We couldn’t tell without trying and therefor we are extremely thankful for this opportunity to kick regrets in their face. The fact that he hadn’t send a single resume to a company for over two years yet got such a position handed to him? We couldn’t ignore it. And if it doesn’t work for us, then it’s okay, he can come back to his life in the trees. Regret-less which is price-less.
Some people ask me : how about your own life? Ain’t you sacrificing your own desires?
All I can say is that it all feels right to me right now. I get to stay home and care for our babies [I chose to be a mama after all]. I get to be a mom and soak up all these precious moments. People say parenting is a full-time job. And in many ways it is. It’s a 24/7 kind of job. One that many moms around the world wish they could accomplish without the worry of having to work on top of it. Some wouldn’t want to be home all week with their babies and that’s okay. It works for me. For now. I am exhausted. But I am happy, excited, challenged and I feel so alive and grateful. There will be days when I will beg my girlfriends for a beer and nights when I will fall asleep just a little after dusk with a baby in each arm.
I love that we are not letting fears lead our lives. I love the idea of manifesting our desires and can’t wait to write more on this. It is fascinating to me.
Today was day 2 on my own with 90-ish more to go.
Just before falling asleep, Manech asked me "when will my papa come home?". This is the hardest. I didn't lie, told him we will have to be very patient, then he grabbed my hand and fell asleep.
And to the people who ask if I don't get nervous about him navigating wild oceans...I will say : look at him in this tree. I married a man who can't see himself sitting at a desk.
Life is such an intense ride. One I am blessed to share with a very strong and amazing man.
I talked here and there about our moves these past three years.
Life has been somewhat chaotic for us for three years. But we decided that Maui was the place where we felt the happiest, the most connected with ourselves, and so came back here. Gurvan started a new carrier as an Arborist / tree-climber, got his certification and we finally seemed to be settling into some happy routine.
But that night in July, we started talking about his life at sea. I asked him if he thought about it sometimes, if he had any regrets and for the first time he admitted that he’d sometimes have dreams about it and that yes, he missed it [a little]…The responsibilities, the boats, the ocean for only horizon. He also added that he loved being home every night with us. Of course he does. He also enjoyed his new job, being high up in trees, the boys he worked with. But I know my man and I could feel the shadows of regrets slowly making their way. Imperceptibly.
We decided that he would investigate boat-related job opportunities for him here in Hawaii. And we went to bed.
The very next morning, when I woke up a little after him, the first thing he told me [once I had my cup of tea in hands, meaning my brain slightly working again], was that he had received an email during the night. The message came from a french tanker company. They were offering him, out of the blue, a position as a captain.
Remember “Thoughts become Things, choose the good ones” ? That was fast.
His first thought was no way, I am not going back on a tanker. My first thought was no way, you are not going away for three months.
By the end of the day, he had investigated about the company and the unexpected offer. The company turned out to be one of the last small family-owned maritime company and they reached out to him after asking a few of their captains if they had any recommendations for a captain position opening and Gurvan’s name came out. WHAT!
How can we not suppose that the Universe works on our behalf?
From that very morning, everything went pretty fast. A few weeks later he was in France for a series of trainings and interviews and just a little over three month later, he is about to board a tanker boat in the Bahamas.
I won’t go into too much details here but the way it all happened still feels quite unreal. He would have said no to most job offers, he didn’t want to go back at sea for a big corporation and be just a number to the eyes of his boss. This company happens to know about sailing a boat and respects the work of their crews.
We have absolutely no idea what tomorrow will be made of. Will three month away from his children be too hard for him? Will it be too hard for me and the kids? We couldn’t tell without trying and therefor we are extremely thankful for this opportunity to kick regrets in their face. The fact that he hadn’t send a single resume to a company for over two years yet got such a position handed to him? We couldn’t ignore it. And if it doesn’t work for us, then it’s okay, he can come back to his life in the trees. Regret-less which is price-less.
Some people ask me : how about your own life? Ain’t you sacrificing your own desires?
All I can say is that it all feels right to me right now. I get to stay home and care for our babies [I chose to be a mama after all]. I get to be a mom and soak up all these precious moments. People say parenting is a full-time job. And in many ways it is. It’s a 24/7 kind of job. One that many moms around the world wish they could accomplish without the worry of having to work on top of it. Some wouldn’t want to be home all week with their babies and that’s okay. It works for me. For now. I am exhausted. But I am happy, excited, challenged and I feel so alive and grateful. There will be days when I will beg my girlfriends for a beer and nights when I will fall asleep just a little after dusk with a baby in each arm.
I love that we are not letting fears lead our lives. I love the idea of manifesting our desires and can’t wait to write more on this. It is fascinating to me.
Today was day 2 on my own with 90-ish more to go.
Just before falling asleep, Manech asked me "when will my papa come home?". This is the hardest. I didn't lie, told him we will have to be very patient, then he grabbed my hand and fell asleep.
And to the people who ask if I don't get nervous about him navigating wild oceans...I will say : look at him in this tree. I married a man who can't see himself sitting at a desk.
Life is such an intense ride. One I am blessed to share with a very strong and amazing man.
